what can i do????

我真的不知道我可以怎么做？
我很想大声喊出来，那股气在我喉咙里，很难受
为什么我会有这样的弟弟？
还是我本身有问题
我也想了解我妈妈，我可以怎样了解？？
她不跟我说，我也没有办法比她说嘛？？
我可以怎样？？
不是我不想跟他们沟通
是他们根本就没有跟过我机会
我也伤心，我也痛苦，有谁知？？
我真的很想发泄出来，很想找东西砸碎
是咯，我是最不孝的。。。。。你满意了吧
不知道不知道不知道！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

pleasantly surprised

in exam...ing....
i falling in studying recently, 临时抱佛脚
there r no any snacks at home, snack is oli things that make me won't fall to sleep when studying...
but i really can't find anythings can eat a home....haiz... my mouth so itchhh...
especially at the night,even though i have been having my dinner. i really admit that i'm a guttler.
as usual, he call me, i said i can tahan my itch mouth, i wanna eat sth, better now have many many fresh fruit at my front!!!! but he said hard to look for the fruit have had cut and sell at night de...
den i eliminate my desire....after end the speech, i begin to imagine that he start to out and look for sth eat for me and give me surprise!!!!but....i think it won't happen because it too dark... and i continue my physic!!!!hate tis subject!!!!
suddenly i heard a familiar sound of car engine,is his car, but it is impossible that he will come to my house because now he should stay at home n watch tv de...
the phone ringing!!!is him! he ask me come out, he give me two big packs!!! den give me a sweet kissing!^^i back to room and open the packs, ohoh!!!is my favourite snack and some fresh fruit !!!
it is really touching, even though it juz sth normal,but.............
thanks my lovest!!! i love u

沒有你在身邊的日子

很難過！
你知道吗？这几天，我真的很难过。。。
没有你，那少许的欢乐都被抽掉
听不到你对我说：我爱你，我很不习惯
没有你的肩膀，在坚固的墙也会倒塌
在这几天里，让我发现你在我心中是多么的重要
不用我说，你一定知道我什么时候该吃东西，因为你知道什么时候我肚子会饿咯！
不用我出声，你一看我脸色，就知道我想什么；知道我开心还是不开心
你会马上哄回我，然后把我抱紧紧地
做什么事情你都会在身边支持我；一定会尽量帮我完成
你不会让我感到害怕、孤单；总是嬉皮笑脸的对我说：我爱你
在家里总是听到埋怨、冷酷的语言
我其实不是很喜欢在家的感觉，总觉得无形中的压力逼迫着
没有我想要的欢笑快乐，好久没有在家真正的开心笑过了
一直以来，他们的每一言一语、一举一动，都让我联想到不开心的事，让我觉得在家毫无意义
我知道我不能说出我心所想的，不满的，因为我没资格
我也不会反驳，不会辩护；即使不是我的错，即使是误会。。。
因为在家，信任不会出现在我身上的
你出国这几天，我都呆在家，忧伤增加，没有笑过了
可是如果你在，你就会让我暂离这种我一直想逃避的忧伤
你会把欢笑带来、把幸福拉近。
如果我是男生就好了。。。。

i dunn wann

明天，他就要去公司的旅行了
虽然只是4天3夜
但还是很不舍得，因为没有得联络嘛T-T
其实你也不是第一次出国。。但还是不想你去嘛！！！
记得和你一起的第一年，你第一次出国
我每晚临睡前都会哭包，都是你害的，谁叫我那么想念你。。。
已经第五年了，你出国也不懂有多少次了
每一次都会好像第一次你出国一样的那么不舍得
你去到那么远，我会很担心的
不要说你出国，即使你在家我也会担心的，只不过没那么担心，至少可以连咯嘛
可是你出国了就不能了嘛................................
祝你一路顺风、平平安安归来
疼你咯

Jusco day = worst day

tml was cheras balakong Jusco member day.
i very unhappy that moments...
!!!!!!!!!!!raining + jam + crowded!!!!!!!!!
i knew that was very very cheap sale there, there would many ppl around there.
but i really hate that environment!!!!shit!!
i angry with him also, but no reason i did it.
he talked to me and hubbub frequently
i dun wan be like that but i dun know why i still carried an anger look
the worst is i heard from mom just now, she said:we actually can get few voucher from total amounts that item we bought. is cash voucher~~~~my mom spent RM400sth and i
spent RM100 sth. total can get voucher,RM70sth.
when i heard it, i really angry that i din know it matter
but.................
i cool down immediately, because it was passed, can't get back anything!!!!!
but i heard my mom n dad blame me and wrangle about this matter, non-stop!!!!!!
fan!fan!fan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i wan him, i wan him laaaaaaaa!!

19/10/2008

today, we celebrate my grandma's birthday. she ald 80sth. all kins come and celebrate with her, can imagine how happy is....but i feel very very very bored!!!!!! i can say that i and their relationship is bad even my family. i have ald few month din talk with my brother since we quarreled....the relationship of my parents and i also not u thought that good. ---"impassive". i think i'm the only one who ignored by all. Because of this, my dear n i going more intimate and our affectionate bond being more tight and stable. i knew i can't have this thinking but it reality. it forced by environmental. my cognitive show tis massage for me. i also feel incapable. they dun like i out for whole day = wanna i always stay at home...for what????? what can i do at home??? nobody talk to me, always facing laptop--non living being!!! i wan somebody listen to me and talk to me, i wan laugh and smile, it won't happen when i at home, but it do when he is beside.

i dun mind how ppl felt about us, i really satisfy i got him, coz he can give me warm and secure me. He is the only one who really listen to me and care bout me. love u soooooooooooo mucchh, my lovest!!!!!

出嫁

我要穿着有缝绣龙凤的红色嫁衣； 不是那纯白的婚纱
我要我的丈夫头戴喜帽、身穿中国最传统的礼服来迎娶我
我要我丈夫大锣大鼓、红当当来迎接我
头戴凤冠、盖上红巾；坐在轿上心里等待着最心爱的人来迎娶
掀起盖头的他，温柔地把我那羞答答的下巴上扬，
亲吻羞红的脸颊
彼此挽起手；喝那甘甜的交杯酒
听见他深情地对我说声：我爱你
“我永远都那么的宠你、那么的呵护你、爱你”

我

最近的我变得越来越模糊

可能是压力的关系吧，总之觉得自己越来越麻木了

stupid me

2day the phy lecturer give the quiz suddenly. we are so shock and no prepared for it. damn.... i'm fool of phy.but the question is from the tutorial, we got answer before it but we all din bring it. .... waiting for others answer for copy...... after finish lecture, i was going to library, haiz....i was found out i have bring the tutorial answer in my file, aiyaya.......so regret that i din check my file c that i really bring it o not...... now....

wat the day is??

is totally unlucky day--10/07/08
we(cheng,sean n me) is went out for singk. i hv ald booked the earliest room but need delay for 1 hour....l1l.......bad, coz pick-up wrong bus! we are traveling around at kl for 2 hours-_- boreeee...when in the greenbox on singing song, my coursemate--beelay called!! omg,i thought it is going some bad things happened..ya, i guess it right, was the course canceled. oh......in that time, the feeling is fall down badly from the highest floor. y the lecturer managed follow their like, din consider others ppl, that was making others felt very in trouble n inconvenience!!!
we need start from scratching our schedule.
is very bother!!!!!!! i very hate it. Essentially, our schedule is very smooth and no any trammel but.......that foolish saying cancel, causing many trouble for us!!!

hate!!!hate!!!hate!!!hate!!!hate tis feeling !!!!!!

说不出

过了许久才晓得原来我让她受伤了。
我心很忐忑。
又不知如何是好的感觉

-_-

opening school coming soon....hope can go to school as fast as possible....really boring vf this kind of vacation....i dunno how to describe it, i hv ald know hw bout the working as long time ago, but really can't stand for it!!!!!! maybe is still a student,jz always thinking i no need to do tis hard things....but "M" always kacau me n make me look for job...y everythings need"M"???
i very vry expected my uni life, although hv some troublesome but i very enjoy tis kind of life, can stay together vf my dear friends, oso can earn many knowledges i wanted. can i say i still a teenager?? or adult?? i still hope i 'm a teenager, coz so enjoy tat kind of life....so damn bout working,boring..................

sometime i think y i need to do tis n tat???
essentially, i should relax and enjoy my long vacation but.......
but i scare tat mom and dad, they "talk the hind leg off a donkey"
i'm so headache at there, i'm so boring at there; i'm moody at there!!!!!!!!!!
i can't go anyway i wan
i dun wan c d pp differ vf me
but i'm greedy!!
i need money!!! no money....trouble all coming leh!!!!!
i think i should do OT lo. it's so cost-efficient!!!!
at there,i meet so many ppl i know b4, so pai sieh leh...
i can't say sth i wanted, coz i need to prove sth....
i think i'm not look as same at there, it might be d ppl at there so mature although younger than me one or two year but still felt like......arrrrrrrr..........
before it, i companied vf my pc or laptop over 6 hours, since i'm enter that place, i seldom c my "darling" at all. i miss u so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2day, i c him from behind, he look thinner than b4, feeling worry and pity vf him, i can c he was so tired n tired. i wanna go up n giv him a warm kissing and n lovely hug. after tis month, he are going starting school liao... bu she de....--
but i still need wait for eight week!!!!!! can't tahan la

明天要去JB了。 我知道我将会好想你，好想好想你。。。。。。

finally finished these silly exam laaaaaa^^can c that everybody smile is on their face,brilliant !! all of us were discuss the plan for tis long long holiday. haha...my planning is so abundant,yeh ;)
next week i'll go to jb visit and stay at my fren house; den sunday got a trip at langkawi vf my babe n his buddie after back from langkawi, i have to rush to melaka for visiting my fren's home, wakakak!!! so expected and excited!!!

actually i planed my schedule at friday was like tis de: after finish exam, i had to go for trim my eyebrow den go to low yat for repairing sth. but on thrusday, ah cheng asked me where i going on friday after exam, after i answered her, she suggest go to singk at sg.wang. she such a lover singing person,but can't deny tat her singing is absolutely perfect. as a result, there total 8 ppl go to kl.i was a last person knew tat they would predate to celebrate birthday vf cheng cheng, coz her birth-day is at china, we can't celebrate vf her la...

this was a wonderful day ,coz it really very happy gather with u all...i'll very cherish the memory of today. thkx u all, mu... ak!! singing :wu yan de jie ju my pretty n lonely --hui li ai yo, ah beh bully ah cheng^^ jia xian and me, i look very bizarre

this is 1st time feel really really flipping!!!
wat uni that was??!! ppl study using english language radically, hw come using BM in final de leh???? it was become more and more disgusted when doing this fucker things....
no mood to read anymore tat using BM.....anathematically!!!
after this stupid exam, go to library for study... the couple of Mr n Mrs Ma!!!! arrrr!!!! sooo noisy, hey!! TO ALL MR N MRS "MA" ,Y always make such noise at library, u all dunno wat is L I B R A R Y?????errrrr....haizzzzzzzz...let it b... go to other place..blek
tml got decision making exam, is my last final exam tis sem. thinking of tml, is so wonderful, coz can throw out all heavy books eventually,yaha!!!
so expected!!! can't waiting for 4th of May, this day coming, this is the hope since January....
woo!!! it might got many 1st times happen soon....can't stand anymore!!!!! ^^

pc is my greatest audience

is time i pour out to u...
nobody at home would talk to me
nobody care bout me
nobody want me stay at this home
izzit I'm so hated to all of u??
izzit I'm should not be a member in this family??
I'm useless in home!
I'm a bane in this home!
i need move out from here, i know.....
i think i need to plan for it, i need to rent a room, need to earn money to maintain my life.
sometime i am thinking when can marry out from here...
but not suit for now to marry.
fortunately got u, my laptop, i can abreact all my grief to u...
u wouldn't scold me and won't dislike and avoid me.
when the timing is mature, i'll satisfy all your hopes, i'll moving out from here.
i will try my best to keep away from u all, i will not incommode u all.
hope i can do it ASAP....
(actually i don't want think like that but failed, i can't control my emotion , i also hope i can think to positive way. but i'm influenced by u all; control by u all)
how sad i am???
when can i stop to tear....i just wanna a peace and a warm safety home,but not the environment that every time make me sad n sad....i don;t want cry and weep all the time!!

^^

我是幸福的。
although i couldn't get this kind of feeling in home. but it is enough, got him beside with me is totally enough. i think i can't look for tis kind of love from anyone but him... i don't mind about his look like, don't mind he is wealth or not; his loving and caring is totally enough. at this time, i have already knew how much he love me,he love me more than loving himself.
i love u as same as u love me,dear............

today is 10th of Arpil

feeling sadness again. my problem still cn't b solve. while i still can put a bold front on it n let myself live well.
my younger sister is so bother,actually i no need wake up so early tis morning,but need to help tis stupid fellow to sth i'm not willing to do.
while,i still force to take my printer ink to refill. it is my mom's order. blek...coz the malay guy act as snail, slow slow~~~n cause my mom couldn't did her work. she angry..felt like angry me.. but i couldn't do nth..
why every time bully me n make me hurt like tat??
i wan u,Ivan, always beside me when i feeling blue...